Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
