before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
