I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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