I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
