i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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