PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
