i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize