I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
