I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
