that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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