I got chris browned last night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
