I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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