why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
