***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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