its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
