Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
