I have demons in me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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