when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
