Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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