Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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