Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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