Someone shit on the floor
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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