I'm so fucking centered right now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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