i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
