did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
