ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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