I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
