1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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