I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His hands were made for my vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
