quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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