Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't deserve a penis
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
