Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
