I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
