Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
