She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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