don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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