Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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