He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
