my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
