i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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