playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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