Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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