There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
