i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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