I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
