found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
