I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
