Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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