I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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