At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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