Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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