Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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