Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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