yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
