Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
