Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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