Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
