so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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