But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
