is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize