So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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