I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
