I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
