Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
