You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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