I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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