What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
