you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
