so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
