get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
