I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
