I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
