you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
