i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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