So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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