How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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