oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
