dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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