Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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