wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
